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FASD Families Need Support

Every time I speak about FASD, I discuss the village that supports my family. This is my most important and desperately needed treasured group of friends and family. It takes a village to raise children with FASD. 

I am a single mom of two adopted children. My son was diagnosed with FASD at the age of fifteen and my daughter was diagnosed with FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) at the age of eight. Our village consists of my sisters their aunts and my friends their aunties. From just trying to survive day-to-day to providing my children with quality lives are only possible thanks to those who support us.

The Family Members of Our Village

Aunt Beth lives in Colorado. She has a husband and three children. Beth and I visit each other frequently. Her children are all young adults and they too, have been important members of the village. Josh, who is Beth’s oldest, attended our service dog training class as the required second adult and Max traveled to Greece with us in November. Neither trip would have been possible without their presence 

Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Lynn live in Florida. Lynn has an intellectual disability. Neurodevelopmental disabilities are not new to my family. Lynn’s challenges, however, manifest completely differently than my children’s. Lynn lives independently with some support. My parents are not part of our daily lives due to the distance but Grandma visits milestone events.

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The Chief Auntie

Judy is the chief of our village. She deserves a medal for putting up with us for so many years. Shortly before Miss Bee turned one, Judy became our apartment building manager. She used to be a preschool teacher and she has adored my children from the minute she met them.

Miss Bee used to stand under Judy’s second-floor balcony and call loudly for Joojee. It was adorable. Judy babysits, overnights, learned to be a service dog handler, administered asthma treatments, dropped off and picked up at sports practices, and cheered for my children at countless games and events.

Judy has attended IEP meetings and graduations. She edits my emails to the school district to remove the snark and is crazy enough to travel with us. I can never repay her kindness. Everyone raising children with FASD needs a Joojee in their village!

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Children with FASD Need Lots of Aunties

I am a Jersey girl born and raised with two best childhood friends that share the same birthdate, including year! We lived in the same neighborhood and met when we were twelve and eleven. They remain two of my favorite women on the planet and both are important members of our village.

Dr. Auntie Deb is a bestie. Shortly after relocating to California, Deb followed. We worked together at UCLA in the same department initially. I recommended her for her first job and she recommended me for my last job before I retired.

Deb was particularly amazing with Mac when he was little. She has attended recitals, baseball games, and birthday parties. Deb assists with all things financial including taxes. This math whiz has helped Mac with homework.

Jane is my other childhood bestie. She is married and has three lovely adult daughters. She lives in a beautiful and historic area of Pennsylvania across the Delaware River from where we grew up. Jane is a chef and she has an amazing family-friendly kitchen. Hanging out in her kitchen is better than a spa day.

My heart is happy and peaceful while hanging out watching Jane making magic in her kitchen. Mac also loves visiting Auntie Jane. When he was little Mac got to ride on their Harley motorcycle around the driveway and visited the local fire station. Mac is a fan for life.

Aunties at School

Tracey and I met on a softball team that was part of a staff league at UCLA. We have been friends for nearly thirty years. Tracey is a fantastic elementary teacher at the school my children attended and a wonderful Auntie. Tracey is originally from Pittsburgh and is a card-carrying member of the Steeler Nation. Her classroom is decked out in black and gold and her students love her. Our families have often traveled together.

Village of Adopted Families

Linda and I met at the foster family agency that matched me with my children. Linda adopted her daughter shortly after I adopted Mac. We had lots of fun together raising our children and taking them on countless events, activities, and vacations.

Linda is Miss Bee’s godmother. She is an amazing quilter and crafter. Linda volunteers more than anyone I have ever met. We have shared our parenting and personal joys and heartbreaks for over twenty years. Linda played an integral role in fundraising for our service dog Ned.

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Super Aunties

It is difficult to find childcare for children with disabilities that have behavioral symptoms.  Out of desperation, I placed an ad online. In walked our very own supernanny complete with an English accent. As soon as Debbie sat down Miss Bee climbed into her lap and began chatting as if she knew Debbie for years.

After a bad experience where Miss Bee let me know the first night a sitter was a terrible fit, I trusted Miss Bee’s initial response. She was so right. Debbie spent an evening a week with my kids and gave me respite.  Simply parking under a street light to read a book, take a nap, or grocery shop alone was pure bliss. Debbie made this possible for years until she returned to England. We enjoy her visits.

I met Amanda about 12 years ago. Amanda adopted her children as well from foster care as a single mom. We have faced many similar parenting challenges due to our experiences with prenatal alcohol exposure.

Amanda had to face one of the most difficult heart-breaking parenting decisions there is. Her determination to do the right thing for her child at all costs helped me stay the course during a two-year battle with my school district on behalf of my son. Her example inspired me to not give up.

Respite is Key

To raise children with FASD, caregivers need respite. Erica was our respite provider after Debbie moved back to England. When Erica walked into my home, I couldn’t believe she was old enough to have this job. Little did I know that she was perfect for Miss Bee.

Erica related to Miss Bee because of her youth and previous job experience. Erica cared for Miss Bee until she became a mom. They are a part of our family and she considers herself Miss Bee’s big sister.

Doris began providing respite care when Erica became a mom. Doris has been hanging out with Miss Bee for the past 5 years. It is hard to believe it has been this long and that she has made it this long. Her stern and loving influence have been wonderful for Miss Bee. Our village has grown thanks to these amazing Aunties.

It Takes a Village 

Each member of our village supports my family in immeasurable ways. I could not parent my children who are challenged by their invisible disabilities every day, without them. They help me make it work and have some quality to our lives. I thank them all because it takes a village to raise children with FASD.

More information is available regarding FASD:

What is FASD?